


Safe

by Avelister



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Basically just a lot of angst, F/M, Hiccstrid - Freeform, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, and I screw with peoples emotions too much, because then I write things like this, bite me, enjoy the ride, someone needs to take away my writing privileges, very angsty hiccstrid, welcome aboard the angst train
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-02-01 21:38:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avelister/pseuds/Avelister
Summary: She had been reduced to only a shadow of her former self, and her only hope resided in him. Strong T for the idea of rape. One-shot turned several part shot thingy. Complete. Probably.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back from the dead!
> 
> So basically, I was rummaging through my old stories, and I happened to stumble across this horribly angsty little piece that I had originally written when I was 15, and my oh my could you tell that it was written by a 15 year old. So I read through it, and figured hey! I'm an adult now, why not attempt to revamp this into something less harrowing, and give it some backbone with reasonable grammar? So here we are!
> 
> WARNING: This little one-shot deals with the ideas of rape and assault, so if you are easily effected by such topics, please click out now. I don't use harsh descriptions, but it's evident of what is happening within the scenes. You have been warned.
> 
> And like the horrible author I am, I didn't go back through and re-read it, because little miss eager-mcbeaver over here just really wanted to get this up.
> 
> I listened to a few songs while writing this, so if you want the full angst effect, I suggest turning one of them on.
> 
> Farewell Life - Arn Andersson
> 
> The Last Butterfly - Wodkah
> 
> Welcome aboard the angst train, folks. Enjoy the ride.

The rope dug relentlessly into her burning wrists, and the voice that whispered into her ear was menacing and hoarse, sending chills down Astrid's spine as she gasped desperately for more air that she couldn't seem to get. "Yer mine now, lass." The words came as a whisper to her ears, the man's hot breath enveloping the side of her face. She fought desperately against the restraints that held her to the wall, hoping she could just manage to twist a hand out so she could find a way to get the hell out of there. Desperate, frustrated tears stung at the corners of her eyes, and a fiendish laugh came from her left.

She was always the alert one, and she valued that fact of herself. Always on her toes, and looking over her shoulder had just become second nature. And all the while, she had managed to get herself captured, by one of Vigo's men of all. Hiccup always referred to her as the bravest person he knew; staring fear in the eye as if it were nothing, as if it didn't faze her in the slightest. Yet, she had never fathomed the idea of being caught in this kind of predicament, and she would be lying to herself if she said that she wasn't scared. Because now it was actually happening, and she was helpless in the hands of her captor. And now that she was staring straight into the eyes of her newly surfacing fears?

She wasn't brave.

She was terrified.

And her heart raced with that fear, adrenalin fueled with no knowledge of what was to come coursed through her veins. She couldn't breathe. This feeling was so alien to her and she hated it. "Now, we co' do this the easy way, or the 'ard way. Easy way, you tell me w'er tha' boy of yours is. The 'ard way, I give you ta my men," He shot her a knowing, crooked smile, and she wanted to vomit. "An' well, you know wa' 'appens from there." She felt a large, calloused hand run up her side, tightly squeezing at her ribs through her tattered shirt. She bit her lip to choke back the scream that threatened to rip from her lungs.

She couldn't do this.

She hadn't realized she was crying until she felt a wetness on her flushed cheeks, and the ever so present taste of bile in the back of her throat.

"Aw, poor lass. Is lover boy no' comin' to rescue yeh?" His mock sad voice came again. "Probably a good thin' too. Because when were done with yeh," his rough hand came up, firmly gripping under her chin to bring her face as close to his as possible to his. "there won' be much left for 'im." She could hear the sinful smirk in his voice as she felt dry lips ghost over her damp cheek.

She should be fighting back, why wasn't she fighting back?

Rough lips pressed eagerly to her flushed cheeks, and it took everything in her to not break down into hysterics. A second later and a stinging white pain took place of the lips as the man's hand came down across her face. "Filthy scum..." He spat, the words ringing in her disoriented head. "She's all yers, boys," he said. She heard one last low laugh escape him before a rustling of his feat against the rock floor, signaling he was leaving. And for a brief second, she let out a shaky sigh of relief, only for it to be clouded over by fear once more as the inimical murmurs and shuffling feet of the men fast approached her. She bit back another sob as she pressed herself up against the rock wall of the cavern behind her, wishing she could just sink into it and disappear. Because this had to just be a bad dream. She wished so earnestly for it to be a dream.

Merciful god's above, she couldn't do this.

And when the first pair of abhorrent hands grasped for her helpless form, she knew this wasn't a nightmare she could wake up from.

ҨҩҨ

The cavern was darker than a nightfury's scales, giving her no knowledge of what was day and night anymore. She could only guess it had been weeks, possibly months. With only a rusted lantern hanging beside her to illuminate her surroundings she had miserably become accustomed to, she used what little light that came from it to address the damage done each time a new man ventured into the cavern to have his way with her.

She can't remember when she stopped begging, pleading them to stop because damn it, it didn't matter anymore. She was damaged beyond repair. A once clean soul now tainted by the sinful acts of greed and vengefulness. Nothing more than a toy to be thrown around at the will of whoever walked down into the cavern. She lost count of how many men had now used her, but did it matter anymore? She would never see him again. Feel his loving touch, or the way she felt safe when he would wrap her up in his arms, kiss her forehead and tell her how much he loved her.

God's, she just wanted to feel safe again.

A tear managed to find its way down her cheek., and she let it fall. She only had the will to cry for him anymore, his distant memory in her mind was seemingly the only thing keeping her from completely giving up, because what was the point anymore? She wouldn't last much longer down here. They barely fed her, and as a result she was now just a fragment of her prior self, skin clinging desperately to bone as a last lifeline, with nothing but an old, tattered shirt to cover her wilting form. Her pride, strength and willful sprit had been all but stripped away from her, reducing her to an emotionless corpse.

Even if her did find her, he wouldn't want her anymore. Not when she had been reduced to this.

So what was the point?

Her muffled hearing began to pick up on chatter echoing through the caverns narrow walls, and a small whimper managed to escape her lips. Eyes shut tightly and brows knitting together, she hoped to the gods that it was just her delusional mind playing tricks on her again, and she willed herself to shut the sound out, because maybe if she shut the sound out, it would shut out what she knew followed.

It never did.

The familiar scraping of heavy footsteps grew louder, and this time, she didn't fight back the dry sob that shook through her.

"Ah, look ah 'er! Cowerin' like a wee pup! Should be an easy lay tonigh'". One of the men bellowed, a cackling laugh following.

"Eh, she lost 'er fight months ago. No' much fun anymore if yeh ask me." Another said, his voice deeper than that of his accomplice.

"Don't you worry men," Another voice came, and Astrid quaked. Viggo. "Soon enough Mr. Haddock will figure her whereabouts, and no sooner will he realize what is waiting for him. Believe me, my friends. Thing are about to get a lot more interesting." She could hear the smirk in his voice as more cackling came from the two men at Viggo's side, catching the meaning behind his words.

No.

It was bad enough to put her through this, but to give him the same fate? She would rather die in his place than live to see that happen.

"Carry on, then." Viggo's voice came once more, before a shuffling of feet could be heard going back up through the tunneling entrance.

"Welp," the man cracked his knuckles, the sound bouncing off the cavern walls causing Astrid to jump slightly. Damn the lack of light in this stupid hell-hole she was bound to. She hated having to rely on almost sound alone. "be'er get started then. Don' wan'to be late fer dinna." She heard the unmistakable sound of shifting clothing, knowing all too well what was coming.

She could just let go. Stop fighting, hanging onto that last sliver of hope that somehow still gleamed somewhere in the emptiness of everything that was her. No one would miss her too much, right? Sure, they would mourn her with the memory of who she used to be burned into their minds, not this Astrid. He parents would be fine after a while, she was sure. Her friends would miss her for a time, but again. Time heals wounds. Stormfly would miss her desperately. She would probably refuse to eat for some time before Hiccup would have to…

Hiccup…

It would tear him apart and she knew it. He would blame himself for everything. For not being there enough for her, for not spending more time with her, for diving too far into this stupid game with Viggo. For not getting there in time.

She couldn't do that to him.

But was there really another choice? She couldn't bare the idea of him leaving her for something out of her control. He wouldn't, and she knew that, but there was still that sliver of a chance that he could. Go off and marry someone more equip to be his right hand in everything. Someone from a neighboring tribe that could open up tremendous trade deals to benefit Berk immensely. Someone who could bare him a suitable heir. Someone who hadn't already been used.

Someone who wasn't tainted.

He would be better off without her.

There were the tears again.

"Ah, now now, don' cry." One of the men cooed, bringing a calloused finger up to roughly scrape away a stray tear. "You know 'ow this goes, it'll be over with before yeh know it." His hand fell from her face, venturing down towards her chest. She bit her lip and turned her head to the side, because if she made a noise it would just encourage them.

The deafening crack of an explosion broke through the opaque atmosphere, and both men shot up to attention.

"You think it's tha' Haddock boy?" One said. She could hear the haste rustling of clothes, and she released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding, letting her tense body slump against the cold wall behind her once more.

"Well if it is, then we be'er follow the boss's order." The other said, another eruption from beyond the cavern shaking the ground, causing both men to lose their footing slightly.

"Yea, and wha', wha' was tha' again?" There was a pause before the other man spoke.

"Kill 'er."

She should feel something other than relief at the mere idea of that, right?

"Wha, so tha Haddock boy gives up? If anythin' it'll only piss 'im off more."

"Viggo seems ta think it'll break tha boy further."

"Bu' why wouldn' Viggo jus'- "

The man let out an exasperated sigh. "Who knows why Viggo does wha 'e does anymore."

"Well, we be'er go an' see wha'-"

"Dragon Riders!"

Both men paused as the warning echoed through the cavern.

"Well." The bulkier man started, hand falling to rest on the hilt of the dagger attached to his side. "Guess we 'ave our answer then."

Shouldn't she be feeling relieved? That she was on the brink of being rescued, of going home, being with him. She should be feeling something, anything but this encompassing numbness.

She didn't flinch away when the man made his way over to her, the gleam of the blade catching the candlelight ever so slightly. It should faze her, she realized. She shouldn't feel like this when she was on the brink of being dead, very well knowing that she was about to die.

She was worthless; a waste of space.

Hiccup would be better off without her.

"Sorry abou' this." The man said, his voice void of sympathy.

And as the blade came down to greet her, she was encompassed by a bright blast of white and purple flooding the cavern, and a sharp, searing pain somewhere she couldn't quite decipher.

Blurred spots danced around in her disoriented vision, every sound around her muffled as she seemed to fall in and out of consciousness. She tried to blink them away, tried to focus on the distant familiarity of the giant black blob dancing around out of the corner of her eye. She tried to shift back up against the wall because maybe if she could see it she could remember what was so familiar about it, only to be greeted by another sharp pain flooding her body. Astrid painfully took in a gulp of air, willing the pain to dissipate. There was shouting all around her, that she knew, only it sounded so far away.

Black began to cloud at the edge of her vision, as her heart began to beat a little slower with each strenuous pump it made in a last effort to keep her grounded to the cruel world that surrounded her. The last thing she heard was a painfully familiar voice shouting her name as she fell short of breath, falling blindly into oblivion.

ҨҩҨ

The sudden urge to throw up flooded her body, and her eyes slowly blinked opened, revealing nothing but blurred shapes and an intense light. She flinched at the foreign sight, squeezing her eyes shut again.

That's when the panic set in.

Where the hell was she?

Her breaths became labored as she tried to open her eyes again, searching desperately for any sign as to where she might be. She tried to move, her body aching with every miniscule move she made but she had to get away. She heard a sudden shifting beside her and she sucked in a painful breath, willing her fragile body to move. The familiar sting of tears behind her eyes begged to make itself known, her dried throat clenching in hopes she wouldn't make a sound.

The stranger beside her sucked in a breath, releasing it shakily. "Oh god's." An almost too gentle hand landed on her wrist, and she desperately shook her head, silent tears finding their way down her flushed cheeks. She needed to move, why couldn't she move.

"Hey, no, no no no no, it's ok." The voice cooed to her, an idle thumb stroking across the top of her hand in a calming manner. His voice sounded so painfully familiar and she hated that she didn't know why. She tried to pull her hand away with what little energy she still had, a dry sob finding its way out of her, but the stranger held fast to her.

"Astrid, hey, calm down. It's-it's me. It's me, I'm right here." His voice was hoarse but soft. Gentle even, as if he had been crying too. His touch was almost too familiar as he slowly moved his hand up from her wrist to her elbow. But at this point, what mans' touch wasn't foreign to her?

She tried to wet her throat, getting nothing down but a dry gulp of air. "P-please don't." She forced her eyes open ever so slightly again, catching a clouded sight of auburn brown hair out of the corner of her eye, and her stupidly bleared memory couldn't place why she found absolute tranquility in that sight.

And then it clicked.

The familiar long, nimble fingers that held fast to her. That nasally tone. The mess of auburn.

The horribly worried green eyes that met hers as she slowly turned her head towards him, the world around her slowly coming into focus.

It didn't seem possible. He wasn't real.

She had to be dead.

But he felt so real. So incredibly real and she wanted him to be real.

She had had dreams like this before. She knew better.

She bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut again only to let go another tear. "You're not him." She could barely hear her own voice when the broken words fell from her lips. "You're not real."

An almost inaudible sob came from where he was, but she couldn't bring herself to look at him; because it would just confirm the fact that it wasn't actually him. That it was just her mind playing more asinine tricks on her, as if she hadn't already been through enough emotional turmoil to last a lifetime.

He took a deep, unsteady breath in before he spoke again. "Astrid, look at me." She felt his hand move from her forearm up to her cheek, and it took every fiber of her to not flinch away. Her lip began to quiver as he continued to press on. "Astrid, please." His voice was so quiet and broken, she couldn't help but blame herself. Even if she was still so sure that he wasn't real, she was still causing him this steadfast pain.

His thumb gently wiped away another tear that found its way down her crimson cheeks, his other hand coming up to softly settle on the other side of her face, and she found herself unnoticeably leaning into the gentle touch. "I'm right here."

He couldn't be real, could he?

Another shuddering breath escaped her as she slowly brought up her hand, cautiously touching the tips of her fingers to the top of the hand she found herself leaning towards. Ever so easily, she let her hand glide across his until her palm rested flat atop his hand.

And reality struck her.

She tightened her hold on his hand, head falling forward as a feeling washed over her that she had only dreamed she'd feel again. She was safe.

Because he was here, and he was real.

And she was safe.

When she brought her eyes up again, she was met by those forest eyes once again, glistening with unshed tears. Her eyes drifted over his features, from the rounded tip of his nose, to the splattering of freckles strewn across his face that she had mapped with her eyes on countless evenings alone with him. His auburn hair that encircled his featured, the same hair that had run between her fingers whenever she could get her hands on him. Her eyes slowly flicked back to his, finding a sole tear slowly tracing down his florid cheek, and her hand held tighter to his on its own accord. His mouth opened once and closed a second later, as if trying to find the right words. His eyes never left hers as another quivering exhale left him before he spoke.

"I'm so sorry." He said simply. His thumb stroked away another tear, his worry creased eyes never once faltering from hers. Despite everything, they were filled with love, and irrefutable adoration that she had only dreamed she would see again.

And she let her walls crumble.

She fell into him, head landing on his chest, moving the hand that had gripped his to grab at the front of his tunic. Both of his arms came to encircle her, holding her like he would never let go again. Because he was here now, and he wasn't going to let anything happen to her ever again.

And as they both sat there in each-others arms, crying for everything that had already happened, they were no longer tears brewed from their encompassing desolation, but tears of consolation and contentment for what was to come. Because Hiccup was here, and they were together again, and she was safe again. It would take time, she knew that much. Relearning how to fully trust again, how to fully love again. But in this moment, as the man who had taught her all of those things in the first place held her as if she would slip from his grasp at any point, surrounding her with a tenderness she had long since missed, Astrid let herself relax, and she relished once more in the sensation she had long since missed.

He was here.

And she was safe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Drops angst bomb and scurries away*

They sat together on the smooth wooden surface of his bed, both leaning back against the headboard. His left arm encircled her form, hand buried in the hair atop her head as he gently massaged her scalp with his fingers. With her head resting gently atop his chest, she carefully paid attention to his heart beat, memorizing it's rhythm by heart in case she ever had to go without it again. It was therapeutic for her, just to sit there and listen. Although reminding her mutilated brain that it was just him every few minutes was beginning to become irksome, the moments where she could finally just be at ease were bliss.

Her entire mid-section was wrapped in think white cloths, red specks of blood peeking through here and there. After her desperate request for him to not go into finite details, he reminded her of the state she had been in when he found her. A jagged knife protruding from her side, more patches of bruises and dirt visible on her body than her own natural skin. How impossibly thin she was. She was glad that her mind had been kind enough to block out those last few memories. She only wished it would have had more of a disposition to block out more.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Her breath hitched in her throat, heart beginning to race once again. She knew he was going to have to ask about it at some point. How could he not? According to him, she had been gone for just over 3 months, and that alone had frightened her even more, that she had become so numb to the point that 3 months of her life had practically slipped through her fingers. A moment more in thought and she realized that her 20th birthday was just a few short weeks away.

She wasn't ready to let the memories that those 3 months housed out yet.

She didn't think she would ever be. Because just stuffing everything and living with it would be easier than having someone know, much less having to relive every detail that would plague her mind until she died in the event that she did vent to Hiccup. She loved him with every fiber of her being, but it terrified her to no end that he would never see her the same way if he knew the gruesome details those 3 months in hell held.

"Hiccup, I…" Her words failed her, and she scratched at an old stain on his shirt to distract herself. She felt him shift uneasily underneath her, moving his hips into a more comfortable position.

"I…You don't have to. I'm sorry." She felt the lingering 'but' of his sentence in the air as his hand continued its gentle ministrations atop her head, her eyes never leaving the dark spot that her finger encircled as she tried to focus on not breaking down into another fit of hysterics, or the pending panic attack she felt brewing deep in her chest.

Gods, she was so screwed up.

A complete and utter train-wreck of a human being.

"It's…I just want to help, and…and I feel like it might make you feel better if you just talked about it-"

"Hiccup, I can't." He voice was small, frail, and the complete opposite of what she knew he remembered of her. His hand stopped its gentle caresses of her head, his hand gingerly movie down to rest on her shoulder, his thumb brushing lightly back and forth.

"Astrid, I-"

"No, I can't." She sat up them, turning to face him as his hand slowly fell from her shoulder to the warm plank of wood her body had just been. She met those same worry-laced eyes once again. "Because if I talk about it, any of it, it'll just make it more real," She breathed out, the familiar sting of tears pushing against her eyes once again, and she couldn't find it in herself to make eye contact with him as she continued. "And I know that it was all real. Every bit of it was so real, but if I have to talk about it, it'll be like having to relive every single moments over again, and I-" She felt droplets of tears gracing the tops of her hands, and she wished she could just stop crying already. "I went through hell on that island. And it's-"

She took a shuddering breath in, arms coming to wrap around herself as she tried to calm herself. No point in stopping now.

"I was—"She stopped short, words almost failing her. "I was raped, and beaten, tortured till I couldn't walk more times than I can count, or even remember. They would tell me I would never see you again. Never see my parents or my friends again. They would tell me that I was nothing more than a worthless slut…" She clenched her eyes shut, lip quivering at its own accord, that horribly familiar ache in her chest returning in full force as the weight of her next words seemed to tear into her all over again. "That you would never love me again, and—and I believed every damn word, because how could it not be true?" She sniffed, bringing her hand up to wipe away the tears that were beginning to collect around her face. His hand had found hers at some point, and his palm encompassed it. She glanced up, finding his eyes trained to a spot somewhere past her, forest orbs glistening with unshed tears, seemingly in thought. She glanced back down before continuing. "Because how could you still love me when I was nothing but used up, broken, reduced to nothing. Nowhere near who I used to be."

She gulped down a sob she felt creeping its way up before continuing.

"They caused so much damage, Hiccup. I can't…I don't think I can give you the heir that you need, and with everything that's happened, you're probably better off marrying someone else who will actually be able to provide you with what you need, and be a suitable wife for you that hasn't been-"

"Stop"

Her lips gently sealed as she moved her gaze towards him, and she couldn't read the expression on his face; Anger? Hurt? She imagined it could be anything, and he had the right to feel whatever emotion he was feeling right down to the nub. Because she was the source of this pain, whether he wanted to admit it or not, she knew she was.

Now that she held his gaze, it seemed more along the fine lines of disbelief.

"I…You're not—"He fumbled with his words, and his brows knit together in thought, as if he was trying to choose his words carefully.

"Astrid I love you. So much more than you will ever imagine." His hands came up to gently grip at her shoulders, making sure he had her full attention.

"I can't even begin to imagine what they put you through on that island, but one thing you need to understand is that I'm not going anywhere, no matter what." Her eyesight fell to the side, and he bent his head down to catch her eyes again because by the gods she needed to hear and understand this. "What even made you think like that in the first place? What made you think that I could ever stop loving you?" His grip tightened ever so slightly on her shoulders, and her eyes sealed shut, another tear falling into oblivion.

"I…They talked me down every single day. It was so constant and soon enough I think it just became the truth. And it still is, Hiccup." She let out a frustrated sigh, throwing her hand up slightly in between them and shaking her head dishearteningly. "I'm nowhere near the same person you knew 3 months ago. I'm not fearless, or strong-willed, or willing to fight for myself because they took those things I valued in who I was and shoved them back down my throat whenever they could. And they were relentless in making sure I remembered every word they said. Using, doing whatever they damn well pleased to make sure I wouldn't get up when they shoved me back down." She should really stop talking. She was only worrying him more and she could see it written all across his face.

She caused that.

She tried to take a slow breath in to steady her fidgeting nerves, but it did little to help as another small sob found its way out of her burning lungs.

"And soon enough death didn't seem so bad, because then it would all be over. And I wouldn't have to feel anything anymore, and just the mere idea of that was so tempting. And I knew everyone would be sad if I was gone, but you would all be fine eventually. And—and I knew you would be better off without me, because the last this you need is this burden—"She was cut short as she was yanked into him, his arms coming fast around her. Her side protested, but she bit back the pain.

She felt him shudder around her, and she let her arms come up to return his embrace, if only to offer him what comfort she was able to give.

But his next words broke through her.

"I almost lost you."

Somehow his grip tightened, and her sore body protested again, but she said nothing for the sake of him, because by the gods he needs this. And she knew she did too, because it was true. He had almost lost her to not only the self-deprivation she was subjected to, but to her minds selfish thoughts that Hiccup would be able to get over her death.

He wouldn't, and she knew that now.

And he said those words like a prayer to the gods; a promise. Because her situation seemed impossible to come out of alive, much less somewhat functioning. And yet here she was, all odds against her.

He let out another shaky breath as the truth of the words took over his emotions.

"gods, I almost lost you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was painful.  
> I'm in the process potentially thinking up a chapter 3, but for now, this is where we stand. Hope you guys enjoyed! If you have prompt ideas that you want me to give a go at, let me know here or on my Tumblr, Avelister! Thanks Guys!  
> Till next time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I dropped off the planet for a while because I was on a camping trip with some friends. Did I write? But of course! So here is another chapter of Safe for you. And guess what! More pain! So. Much. Pain. But you wouldn’t still be here if you weren’t here for the pain in the first place because well, this story defines pain. So! Enjoy more of said pain, suckers.
> 
> This little chapter is basically told through Hiccups point of view what he was rescuing Astrid. Fun shtuff.
> 
> Also, no, I didn’t proof read this, and this was written at 2am over several nights so if something doesn’t make sense, ya know, just blame it on that. 
> 
> tears and tissue warning. you know the drill.

His heart was in his throat the moment it all happened, his brain painfully replaying it in slow motion. A look he could describe only as encompassing emptiness was stitched into her features while he watched helplessly as the blade was brought down violently into her bare side.

_Too late. You’re too late._

As the other riders swarmed in through the opening the blast had created, taking some attention away from him, he fought through each man that came towards him with a ruthlessness he didn’t know he had.

_She’s dead._

White hot rage poured out of him and into inferno, hate and fear driving every move he made, every motion he made happening in slow motion.

_He had to get to her. He had to get to her before it was too late._

Showing no mercy, Hiccup fought his way through the rest of the men, quickly and mindlessly fending off the two who had first been in the cavern with Astrid, and he saw red with each strike he took to them until each laid motionless on the ground by his feet.

They had taken her from him, and quite possibly for good this time.

His eyes came to her closed ones, and he willed his body to move, to do _something_.

He didn’t have time to let his brain comprehend _why_ she wasn’t wearing any clothes, _why_ she was so covered in dirt to the point of almost being unrecognizable, or _how_ she was still alive with how malnourished she appeared; her skin desperately clinging to bone in its final attempt to keep her mangled form somewhat put together. Hiccups stomach twisted violently at the hasty conclusion is was able muster up.

_He couldn’t breathe._

Shallow breaths fueled him as he ran towards her prone body, sword slipping from his wavering grasp has he fell to her side, horror coursing brutally through his veins. “ _No_. No, no no no no.”  His hands hovered over her body, over the dagger still embedded in her side, but he dragged his eyes to her paled face, gently taking her flushed cheeks in his shaking hands. His breath was ragged as his tear blurred eyes bore into her closed eyelids, thumbs mindlessly rubbing back and forth her now more prominent cheekbones in a desperate attempt to coax any form of a reaction out of her.

“Oh _Gods_ , no _no no_ , _Please_ ,” He gulped down a sob as the pleading words rolled off his tongue, hoping, _begging_ for a response.

This time he didn’t hold in the minute sobs and whimpers that escaped him. “Astrid, _please_.” Each gulp of air that he took in became harder and harder as he pressed on, eyes desperately searching her face for even the faintest reaction. “Astrid you—we need to get you…you _out_ of here, _please_.”

Somewhere behind him, Toothless warbled in worry, his nose gently nudging her foot.

A shuddering sob wracked his body and he pressed his forehead against hers, eyes fluttering closed as tears dripped onto her cool cheeks. He held her face close to his, hands shaking as he prayed for the gods to give him a sign, _anything_ to let him know that she was still alive; That there was still a _chance_. “Oh gods _please_. _Please_ don’t do this baby, _please_.” He became more hopeless as the seconds droned on that she didn’t respond as he continued to whisper franticly to her fragile form, bringing his puffy eyes up to search her growingly pale face once more, thumbs idly still trying to coax life out of her. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave me.”

Every bit of air was stripped from his lungs when he saw her eyebrows crease faintly together, lips parting as her body slowly wheezed in a ragged breath.

“Oh my— _Oh gods_.”

An equally relieved and terrified breath left him, and he sat up, looking frantically behind him towards Fishlegs and Snoutlout, who stood protectively in the caverns entryway. Snotlouts eyes filled with anger and determination, as he found Fishlegs, glistening with questions and unshed tears.

Hiccup evened his breath so that he could speak somewhat coherently, eyeing them both with a fearfully intense gaze. “Clear me a path, I need to get her back to Berk.” His voice was thick with emotion, but both men nodded, their dragons snorting in understanding as they turned to fend off whoever dared try to get near the future chief and his fading betrothed.

Hiccup turned back to Astrid’s form, his hands moving her as gently as he could to get her into a position he could more easily pick her up without jostling her injury too much. At least he had learned enough from Gothi to know that taking out the dagger at this point would _surely_ kill her long before they would be able to reach any form of help. And even with taking precautions, Berk was still at least an hours flight away.

His brain flew through every possibility, every outcome he could muster up of how this dangerous flight back could end up.

And he didn’t like the outcome of any of them.

But he was running out of what little time he knew she had left, so he abandoned all sense of reasonable logic, grabbing a spare fur he had in his satchel to cover what he could of her bare body, and wrapping her up in his arms as gently as he could as to not jolt her injury.

His heart _ached_ at how light she was, and he was flooded with a renewed sense of purpose..

She couldn’t die. He wasn’t going to _let_ her die.

Hiccup called to toothless, who lowered himself to the ground as much as he could to let his rider slide on with ease. Once he was settled, a protective arm around her form and another tightly grasping the saddles handle, he gave his dragon a firm nudge.

“Toothless, go.”

And without another thought, they were out of the dreaded caves mouth and airborne. He gave a nod to Snotlout, signaling him that he had Astrid, and that he was on his way back to Berk. Snoutlout gave a nod in return, and turned his attention back to the few men that still remained from Viggo’s armada.

Hiccups grip tightened around Astrids form, his eyes darting from her face to the irksome knife that still sat in her side. A wave of fear gripped his heart once again, his eyebrows creasing with worry as he bore his eyes into the knife.

“As fast as you can, bud.”

ҨҩҨ

Berk couldn’t come fast enough, but when its shape finally crested over the horizon, Hiccup let out a small sigh of relief; “Just a little longer.” He whispered to her limp form as he pressed a lingering kiss atop her head.

Astrid was nowhere near out of the blue yet, but her heartrate was still somewhat there, and he hung onto that hope that _somehow,_ she would make it out of this. That she would be ok.

Toothless touched down near Gothi’s hut as gently as he could. Hiccup saw his Dad and Gobber throw the door of the hut open, their worried eyes frantically searching Hiccups, only to fall of the form cradled in his embrace.

“It’s Astrid, She’s— Gothi, I– She needs Gothi.”

He hadn’t noticed the tears that had managed to brew behind his eyes once more until his vision was blurring and he needed to blink them away. His dad rushed up to him, arms coming up to meet Astrid’s form. “Give her here, son.” Mindful of her wound, Stoick took the girl into his encompassing arms as gently as he could, briskly taking her towards the huts door where Hiccup saw Gothi waiting with equally worried eyes.

“Great Odins beard…” Gobber breathed out, his eyes filling with remorse and worry at sight of the young warrior being carried into the hut.

Hiccup watched helplessly from the back of Toothless as his dad carried Astrid into the elders hut, and a shaky breath escaped him, his hands gripping tightly to the saddles handles, desperately trying to ground himself because he should be _in_ there, trying to help save her life because _damnit_ , he couldn’t lose her.

He shifted in the saddle, making to get off as his eyes landed on Gobber who still stood prone, eyes filled with every comforting word Hiccup knew he wanted to say, but couldn’t. Hiccups eyes began to blur once more, throat constricting in an attempt to hold back the wall of emotions that threatened to come crashing down around him, all while Gobber stood staring at him as if he would break at any moment.

And break he did.

“Ahh, Lad.”

Hiccup all but threw himself from his place on the saddle to Gobbers fatherly embrace, the burly man wrapping him up into a strong, comforting hug as everything in Hiccup snapped at once and tumbled mercilessly down around him, angry sobs wracking his body. And Gobber stood there, holding the young man he had helped raise fiercely in his arms, hoping, wishing that he could take even an ounce of the pain he was feeling away from him.

Several minutes and a handful of sobs later found both men sitting on a pair of rocks near the walkway to Gothis hut, Gobbers hand sitting on his shoulder, still giving him what comfort he could offer.

“She’s going to die.” His voice was thick when he spoke, red eyes focused on his clasped hands in front of him, his thumb glancing over an old scar distractedly. He saw Gobber glance over at him from the edge of his vision, “She’s going to die, and it’s my fault.”

He heard Gobber let out a loud huff as he brought his hand back to his lap, leaning forward, he mirrored his position, elbows resting on his knees and hands clasped in front of him. Gobber brought his head down more as he looked towards him, hoping to catch his eye, but to no avail.

“That Astrid of yours is one of hell of a fighter, and you know it lad. She’s not going down without a fight.”

Hiccup shook his head. “Gobber, you saw her. I…I don’t think she has any fight left to give.”

Gobber made to speak again but Hiccup beat him to it.

“I had flown over that island before, too, damnit. And she was right there!  And I…She–she might not make it now all because I couldn’t pull my head out of my own ass to take a second to actually check the island, but _no_!  There was no _way_ they’d keep here on such a small, open island! _Surely_ they’d have her somewhere more secluded and conspicuous. Three months. Three months, Gobber. She was _right there_ and now she’s in there _dying_ and it’s _my fault_. You can try and tell me it’s not, but it is. If She dies, it’s on me, and I....I just—“ his throat closed again as more tears prickled their way to the surface. “I can’t lose her.” Another sob bubbled its way up. “I _can’t, lose her_.” He brought his hands up to wipe angrily at the tears. “She’s…I won’t be able to live with myself if she doesn’t make it.”

Hiccup knew what his mentor wanted to say. But even though he might find comfort in the words now, facing the hard truth was somewhat easier. Maybe when his dad came out to break the news that she was dead it wouldn’t tear into his heart more than it already had. Maybe he would be able to repair the damage.

Hell, he knew he wouldn’t be able to.

_“I can’t imagine a world without you in it.”_

“What was that, Lad?”

Hiccup only closed his eyes and tried desperately to calm his breathing and raging heart rate. Memories of that day came flooding back into his memory, and he recalled how scared he had been.

And he realized that was nothing compared to the fear he was feeling for her this time round.

Hours must had passed because the western sun was beginning to set when the door to Gothis hut creaked open, and Hiccups stomach dropped to the floor, his eyes flickering up to find his dads, searching his eyes for the answer he was expecting before it came.

“She’s ok.”

Relief hit him like a mountain being dropped straight on his chest, and a sigh raggedly forced its way out of his hoarse lungs.

“She’s got a long road ahead of her, but she’s ok.”

And for the first time in months, Hiccup let himself take a long, drawn out breath of calming relief.

Because Astrid was going to be ok, and she was _home_ , and she was _safe_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! I love feedback almost as much as I love making you cry.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm BACK. With more PAIN. (Ok, but like, it gets sort of comforting/fluffy towards the end? So like, not as painful as the other chapters?) but still. Angst mother is back with another installment because why the hell not, ya know? Tissue warning can be brought down a notch here I guess? Idk it's still sad, but Ill let you guys be the judge of that. Anyways, here y'all go! Enjoy! Comments and feedback are always loved my dears!

_She couldn’t breathe._

The hands were everywhere. Searing and gripping and purely unrelenting in how they came for her, holding her down in every possible way they could. Firm grips of hands and forearms pressed and strangled at her neck, leaving her gasping desperately for air as fingernails dug into her thighs and ribcage, holding her in place. She tried to fight them, _gods_ did she try. Twisting and writhing in every direction she could think of, but to no avail. The hands only gripped harder, nails only dug deeper.

So Astrid screamed. Screamed as loud as she could for as long as she could until her throat was raw and voice faltering as she cried out into oblivion, yet she continued. She screamed _his_ name, hoping he could hear her cries of desperation and agony in this moment of festering pain because _dammit_ she couldn’t do this. Not again. Not anymore.

And then the voices came.

_‘You’ll never see him again.’_

_‘Worthless slut.’_

_‘He’ll be better off without you.’_

_‘You’ll never be enough for him.’_

_‘He’ll leave you as soon as he realizes what you’ve become.’_

_‘You aren’t worthy of anyone’s love.’_

_‘He’s not coming for you.’_

_‘You’re nothing.’_

She begged at them to stop with her screams and pleaded with her eyes at the invisible faces before her that were shrouded in a menacing and consuming blackness that she couldn’t escape. No matter how hard she tried, it engulfed her with every breath she took, dragging her deeper and further away from her last strands of hope she had desperately clang to.  

Death was knocking at her door again, and this time? This time she should just let him in.

But then she heard _his_ voice somewhere out in the distance, calling for her. She didn’t know where but it was there. So she screamed again with everything she had left in her; cried his name as the gripping hands drug her further and deeper into the consuming darkness. Further away from him and the safety that surrounded him that she ached for but couldn’t have.

Didn’t deserve.

Never—

_“Astrid!”_

She jolted awake, shooting up from her spot next to a dwindling fire. Bleary eyes blinked with purchase, desperately searching the dimly lit area for the source of what woke her up. Her brain slowly registered the weight of hands on her shoulders, and a new form of panic began to wash over her.

“Astrid, no no, hey, look at me.”

She made a strangled noise of desperation, air getting caught in her throat as she grabbed for the arms holding her down, trying desperately with what little strength she had left to push away. She needed to _get away_.

The brooding weight was suddenly gone, and a brief moment of relief came over her. Just as it was gone, she felt calloused hands fall to each side of her face. Astrid flinched at first, but this touch came with a sense of clarity and trust that nudged her gently from the back of her mind. Thumbs gently stroked at her cheekbones as she let out a shaky breath, and a gentle, calming voice made itself known.

“Babe, look at me.”

_Hiccup._

Her panicked gaze finally fell on him; forest eyes brimmed with unshed tears stared straight into her as if they were looking for something, anything to show him that she knew she was home. That she was safe.

Hiccup let out a relieved breath of air, eyes flickering in tandem s a tear found its way down his cheek. All the while, his thumbs never ceasing their calming stokes along her paled cheeks. Astrid could only look at him, dazed eyes taking in where she was.

Everything that had just occurred seemed to hit her at once.

Her eye’s welled up again, throat constricting on itself as she tried to hold back the sob that shook its way up through her thin body. She brought her hand up to cover her mouth as the mournful noise found its way out. She felt Hiccups hands leave her cheeks and travel down to her arms, gently pulling her towards him.

“Cm’ere.”

Strong arms came around her as her head fell to his chest, and she cried.

Cried for everything that had happened, for what she went through on that island, for all the pain she endured in those months in hell.

But she also cried for the love that engulfed her in that moment. She cried for Hiccup, and all he had been put through in those past months as well. How much he fought to get her home. How scared he must have been that he might not even get that chance. That he might have been too late.

How he almost was.

Astrid didn’t know how long they sat there for in front of the diminishing flames of the fire. Time seemed to all but have stood still as Hiccup held her, as they both cried for what had happened. Cried for what was to come.

Hiccup brought back his arms from around her, gently placing his hands on her shoulders to gently push her back. She sniffed gently, eyes mostly dried up, yet still red and puffy. She couldn’t meet his eyes as she slowly came away from his chest, folding her hands in her lap as she took a few slow, deep breaths to calm herself more. She always felt horrible when this happened, not that she could control when her mind decided to plague her with nightmares, yet each time it happened he would always come to her side and stay there to let her cry as long as she needed to, holding her until the pictures and the voice left her mind.

No matter how broken she was, he was always right there to help pick up the pieces.

She felt him shift in front of her, his knees bumping hers as he found a more comfortable position on the cold ground, but she stayed glued to her spot despite the protest of her numbing legs.

Warm fingers caught her off guard as they landed on her cheek one more, and she found herself leaning into the touch, eyes closing and brow knit as she sought comfort in his calming presence. She felt his thumb fall under her chin, gently pushing up so she would meet his gaze. Tired blue met worried green as they sat there, Hiccup never once wavering from his place; never once taking his eyes off of her.

Yet each time this happened, all she could do was apologize, because how could she not? She was the reason he wasn’t getting any sleep at night. She was the reason he was constantly worried about her, always coming in to check on her whenever he had a spare moment away from his dad or the forge. She had become this burden on his life that he didn’t need right now, and the voices in her head reminded her of that with every given opportunity.

“I’m so-“

“Don’t.”

His eyes seemed to drink her in, pleading with her in a way she couldn’t quite figure out.

“Astrid you have no reason to be sorry. Ever.  What happened to you on that island was not your fault, and you—“

“No, it’s…I’m just—“ She let out a sound of frustration, nails digging into her night skirt as she looked for the right words, because she understood where he was coming from, but he just didn’t get it. Her eyes fell down to her hands in her lap before she spoke. “I’m tired of being this _burden_ —“

His grip on her shoulders tightened, and her eyes came up to his once more. He had that desperate look in his eyes again as he always did, and it ate away at her, as it always did.

“Astrid you are not a burden. You will _never_ be a burden. To Berk, your parents, our friends, _especially_ to me.” His hands fell from her shoulders to her hands that sat gripping in her lap, thumbs stroking along the sides of her thumbs, warming her and grounding her in the moment. “Do you remember what I told you on the Edge while you were blinded and we were looking for Stormfly?”

Astrid nodded. Of course she remembered that day, and what he had told her. It was one of the memories of them together that kept her going, helped her keep fighting when all she wanted to do was stop and give up. She replayed his sure words in her head daily to keep her grounded, and that they did for as long as they could.

“There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid. _Always_. Even if you try to get rid of me, by hell Astrid I will still be here because _nothing_ you can do or say will ever drive me away from you. I love you with everything I have and I always will. No matter what.” His hands that encompassed hers squeezed with emphasis, hoping to get their point across. How did he do that? How did he always know what to say whenever she was doubting or dragging herself down?

Gods she needed him. She would always need him. She couldn’t even imagine trying to go through all of  this alone. She wouldn’t have lasted.

She wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for him.

“Through thick and thin, yeah?” He smiled at her when he said that, and her lips twitched up in unison.

“How do you do that?” She asked, thumb coming out from under his hand to rest atop it.

“Do what?”

“Know what to say when it needs to be said, right when I need to hear it.”

He smiled gently at her, cocking his head to the side to make sure he had her eyes trained to his. “Because I know you, Astrid. I know how hard headed and harsh you can be on yourself, no matter what the situation is. And you need to understand that you don’t always have to be this perfect, put together human that can take any hit and come out of it like new. You aren’t built for that, no one is.” His eyes were soft when he spoke, and she calmed under that look. He leaned forward to close the small distance between them, pressing his slightly chapped lips to her forehead. She leaned into it as much as she could, relishing the moment. She had taken so many other times like this for granted, but no longer would she ever take any moment like this and let it go to waste. Time was too precious to her now a-days.

“You’re allowed to fall apart and break under the pressure because no matter what, in any circumstance, I will be here to pick you back up every single time. That’s a promise, and that one’s sticking.”

Hiccup smiled at her, and she smiled back. She truly didn’t deserve him, no one did. He was too kind and his soul was too pure to put up with everything he had to. She wouldn’t tell him that though, because of course he would disagree. He always did. But maybe with time to heal and pull herself back into a frame of the person she once was, when she learned to love herself again, she could deserve him, truly deserve him.

With him by her side, she was sure she could make it through.

“I love you.” She said it simply, but threw so much behind it. She loved him more than they both truly knew, and maybe that scared her a bit. That that love could so easily be torn apart and tested as it was before. Yet she had a feeling as she stared into him grounding eyes, that despite everything those past months had thrown at her, with him by her side, she would make it through.

His smile was unwavering when he replied, and she found solace in that. “I love you, too.”

She was sure of it now. Yes it would take time, but with time came healing. She would be ok. As long as she had him by her side, she would be ok. And she rested easy that night wrapped in his embrace in knowing that.

**Author's Note:**

> bite me


End file.
